The Curiousities of Kangaroo Embryology

A few facts about Kangaroo reproduction:

• Joeys are 'born' basically in a fetal state. The blind, furless, miniature newborn, the size of a jelly bean, crawls across its mother's fur to make its way into the pouch, where it latches onto a teat for food.
• Interestingly enough, newborn joeys are not even developed to the point where their Superior region (head) and Inferior region (tail end) are differentiable. Thus, the joey is capable of latching onto its mother's teat with either its "mouth" or "anus", which are actually identical openings connected to a simple two-way digestive system. Whichever end latches onto the teat becomes the head and thorax, the other becomes the abdomen. The lack of differentiation can be clearly seen in this photograph:
  

  

  This remarkable physiological phenomenon is is possible through the kangaroo's unique embryological development. The joey possesses two clusters of nerve cells (one at either end of its body), one of which becomes the brain and the other the spinal cord, which develops after the spine itself does. Each cluster is connected to 2 proto-limblets, which will develop into front or back legs, depending on whether the cluster in question becomes a brain or spine.
  


• Occasionally, both ends of the newborn joey will latch onto their own teat. The resulting double-headed joey (or "dubby") generally dies within a few days. Extremely rarely the dubby will survive and develop for several weeks, resulting in a grotesque animal that is its own mirror image:
  

  
  

Neolinguocolonializationism

The State has assumed as one of its duties the education of children. Parents are coerced into surrendering their precious babes to the vile institutions we call "schools" which are little more than government brainwashing and daycare facilities. The sole purpose of schools is control the minds of children and subjugate them to the will of the State both physically and mentally. Via this two methods (physical and mental subjugation), fear is instilled into the child, preparing him to be a "functioning" member of "society".

In order to instill physical fear, the State subjects children to dominating authority figures who are given complete freedom to physically harass children. Children are routinely beaten and slapped when they fail to acknowledge the "power" of knowledge, or fail to demonstrate basic command of (among other things) colors, sounds, singing, reading, letters, toys, and obedience to agents of the State such as teachers and supervisors. Agents of the state corral children into rooms such as classrooms, cafeterias, and auditoriums. Those who feel the urge to leave are physically restrained from doing so by administrative agents. It is clearly seen that the State's goal is not to instill the values of freedom, but rather to reinforce Its own Power via a literal physical force. The child's long-term mentality is thus affected.

Although the child will not immediately associate his rightfully hated overseers with the State government, he will come to accept figures who fiat their own authority as having the right to physically coerce others into accepting that authority without any meaningful resistance either via personal action or self-regulating action of the bureaucratic system. Furthermore, he will accept his role as a taker of orders from the State, which the State will invariably use to impose more physical punishment on Its stolen children (let us remember that every teacher is a product of the education system). Few parents ever realize the damage done by seemingly harmless and well-intentioned caretakers, whose roles as agents of the State they themselves may only be vaguely be aware of, if at all.

Not only does the State physically coerce the children under its dominion, but it entices them into virtual mental slavery as well. A prime example of this is the teaching of language in schools. Because language defines thought, and schools teach language to those whose command thereof is just beginning to develop, schools are directly controlling the minds of children. The alphabet is used to limit scope of thoughts. By only teaching the standard 26-letter alphabet, schools prevent children from understanding ideas written in Arabic, Cyrillic, Thai, or any one of the other thousands of languages and scripts around the world. Since the State is in control of all English-language and alphabet publications, it is as if it has tricked a mole coming out of the ground in an open plain for the first time that it must crawl into the mouth of a snake. The mole, knowing no better, crawls directly into the belly of the python. And while it may be warm and safe for a while in the snake's belly, the mole will soon come to see that its fate lies in being slowly dissolved by the snake's stomach acid and being crushed in a world of darkness by its vile, reptilian ribs.

Playground equipment also furthers the Statist mindset. By having successive levels, playground structures reinforce the notion of a hierarchal society to its youngest and most vulnerable clients. Is it any wonder that the American flag is always flown at the top of play structures? Indeed, placing 50 stars on flags at school has even convinced the past 3 generations' worth of children that Hawaii and Alaska are actually states, when in fact their purchase was never even ratified! How fitting, then, that that most pledged piece of cloth should serve to disseminate any lie the State should see fit to keep its stock of population in check and under control.

There are those who would question the validity of such an outburst and the uncovering of the real truth behind the lies of school and language in our society. Although they are not agents of the State, they might as well be, for they fail to see where such policies lead. They lead to the poisoning of our very souls, the damnation of all that is good and wholesome, and the destruction of the moral fabric that has though ripped, torn, and shredded in a thousand places, thus far managed to hold together this great society. We teeter on the brink of the ripping of this moral fabric, and what lies below for the infant of our civilization is unimaginable chaos, destruction, immorality, death, and ultimate doom.

Allowing the State's evil to continue unabated will undoubtedly lead to 50 out of every 100 children (male and female) being raped on live television for entertainment. It has been shown empirically that the State's policies lead to disrespect for children, and the collapse of society will be heralded by the most heinous abuses of their personage. Acceptable public spectacles will come to include throwing fellow criminal citizens into large, festively decorated meat grinders and betting on the torque required to chop their bodies into a bloody pulp which will then be sprayed over bystanders in a celebratory fashion much like confetti at a Mardi Gras parade. This sick society of hatred and death will satisfy its lust by destroying the peoples of other nations: Canada, Mexico, Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, North and South Korea, Italy, Germany, and Russia, especially (complex cultural ties dictate these selections). Bloodthirsty bands of Statist American "patriots" will roam the globe, capturing foreign citizens and shipping them back to the United States in a situation sickeningly similar to the slave trade of centuries past. All will suffer torture and death at the hands of the State for reasons cultural and political.

Once the ravenous Statist society has consumed the populaces of the rest of the planet, it will turn on itself in a crazed cannibalistic rage, its culture reduced to a primitive game of survival bound together by animist rituals and bloody sacrifice. Soon, even non-criminal citizens will find themselves the target of manic ceremonies presided over by politicians who will by now have evolved to fill the role of village shaman, wrinkled old men chanting nonsense over smoky fire while ingesting massive amounts of drugs. Their incoherent ranting will invariably interpreted as a death sentence for he unfortunate enough to be caught in the sadistic games of his fellows.

He will be bound by his hands and feet over a bed of hot coals. He will be dragged by his genitals with great force until they have been removed, the last sinewy tissues dangling from his crotch serving as pitiful reminders of the once proud manhood that resided in that location. Should he pass unconscious, he will be stimulated with advanced drugs so that the ritual may resume. His eyelids and tongue will be removed with hot tongs and the burned flesh inserted in his nostrils and ear canals. He will be put into a bathtub filled with fecal matter, urine, and the decaying remains of other humans. Any part of him emerging above the surface of the horrible concoction will have scorpions dropped on it. The noxious stew will then be heated from beneath by a fire fueled by the hair ripped from the scalps of young children. At the last possible instant before death becomes certain, he will be dumped out of his wretched container. Mobs of deranged "people" will rip his fingernails out, gouge out his eyeballs, and beat him mercilessly with blunt clubs until every bone in his body has been broken. He will then be skullfucked until death's sweet kiss relieves him of his misery.

• Only 30 percent of coffee beans grown end up as coffee. The other 70 percent are lost to rot, shipment errors, spillage, or are consumed in another fashion.
• In 2005, more square yards of pleather were manufactured than real leather.
• More spam email comes from the Bahamas than Nigeria.
• The average combined energy of radio, televisition, cellphone, and satellite signals passing through the human body at any given moment is estimated to be equivalent to 10 food calories.
• More people die from infections originating in the toenail than from skin cancer annually.
• Masking tape was originally developed during WWII as a non-reflective alternative to duct tape for British troops fighting in the desert.
• Rutgers college at one point had an underwaster basket-weaving class as an elective during the 1910s.
• Buzz Aldrin is rumored to have dropped a tube of toothpaste on the moon.
• Legal pads are so-called because Oliver Wendell Holmes was known to complain about the short length of ordinary paper.
  

• Bill Clinton claimed to never have gotten drunk in college.
• Nine-tenths of bandwidth are consumed by computers running the Linux operating system.
• Thirteen tsunamis have hit the tiny island nation of Micronesia in the past century.
• A recent survey found that 66 percent of women are aware that fish scales are an ingredient of lipstick.
• In one year, the city of Milwaukee, Wisconsin consumes enough beer to fill Lake Michigan one and a half times over.
  

• People call a coin flip as "heads" approximately 75 percent of the time.

• Two out of five Americans surveyed dislike Canadian cuisine.

• There is twice as much money granted to universities for disproving global warming than for neither proving nor disproving it.

• A koala appears to have zebra-like stripes when viewed with only ultra-violet light.

• The word "duct tape" is the most recently invented 8-letter phrase according to The Oxford English Dictionary.

• According to the National Bureau of Police Statistics, the average police officer will 'misplace' and be reimbursed for 17 sets of handcuffs over the course of an 28 year career.

• An average person in New York City showers 1.8 times every day.

• A hand-written note attached to the flag left on the moon declares Neil Armstrong to be President for Life of the "Republic of Lunatious".

• Elephants have the world's largest ankles.

• Despite two extreme outliers -- Oregon on one side, New York City on the other -- an average American bathes more often than an average person of any other nationality except France.

• Authors whose names start with an A have their books checked out 62 percent more often at public libraries.

• In his youth, U.S. President George Washington was an accomplished Irish dancer.

• In his high school years Albert Einstein scored an 73 on an IQ test, In his adult years he was asked why his score was so low, he replied that he "never took tests too seriously."

• One in every 5,000 emperor penguins carries a rare gene that makes its beak bright blue.

• In 1896, the Georgia State Legislature declared the color name 'puce' to be in violation of anti-obscenity laws. The color itself was declared acceptable on a probationary level, but the probation has never been lifted to this day.